How are you?

Perhaps this is the most asked question in all of human history.

In almost every encounter, between two or more people, at least once we ask: ‘How are you?’

And the answer, most of the time, is the same, even though it is not true.

But why do people ask? Why does everyone always want to know if the other is ok? Why doesn’t anyone ask, ‘Hi, how are you?’ Do they really want to know? Are they just following “protocol”? Or are they just testing our ability to lie?

I reflected a lot on this after a friend asked me if I was really okay.

My first conclusion is that the traditional ‘how are you?’ is a “test” question. People ask this question as a kind of “probe”, they really want to get implicit information, the true or false answer doesn’t matter much, what matters is what the person can grasp about what’s behind the answer.

For example, if the person is excited, they may respond with a very strong voice, or if they are sad, they may respond with a weak voice. If it’s a text, a delayed response could mean that the person is busy or maybe something happened, in short, the variables are endless and generate very valuable information for a conversation.

But I wanted to reflect a little more, because the “How are you?” from my friend it didn’t seem like a “How are you?” of these traditional ones. Especially in this time, I believe that it is common to find someone who is not “really well”, and therefore, really wanting to know if the person is okay, can be a sign of empathy and that the person really cares.

So I decided to very sincerely ask myself and all my many newly discovered selves and even the deepest still dormant selves: ‘Are we ok?’.

And the answer came, equally sincere and simple, echoing through all my infinite dimensions of myself: ‘We are not’.

What I think is nice about a sincere and truthful answer is that we can try a deep understanding to solve the problem, if there is a problem. But I understood that there is not. And I also understood that we are never okay, because good and bad are all mixed up, all together and indivisible. Like light and shade, night and day, yin and yang.

We will never be 100% ok, just like during the day there is shadow and during the night there is light. This contrast is what makes us see and what sets us in motion.

We will always be good and bad all the time and in cycles or in a spiral line that increases and decreases and forms a sphere. It is up to us to respect the momentum of each particle. And just like that, everything will be right where it should be.